Dialectic Journal Book 8

"The answer is, they were my kin and country. I set down my life with gladness, and would do it again a hundred times, for Leonidas, for Dienekes and Alexandros and Polynikes, for Rooster and Suicide, for Arete and Diomache, Bruxious and my own mother and father, my wife and children. I and every man there were never more free then when we gave freely obedience to those harsh laws which take life and give it back again." page: 413 12/3/08

I can relate to this thought. I see my friends as my "kin" I suppose. I cannot describe how grateful and lucky I feel to have them with me. I'd die for them but do not get me wrong. I'd live for them too. :) They are the people I look forward to seeing everyday, the people that know me well. I guess in a funny sort of way they are the family I got to pick!!! Also I could understand him through this quote. These people have become his precious people, the people he wishes to protect. Just as I have mine he has his. By now he has seen many fall and now they are all he has. They are what he must live for now. We as humans find comfort in other and we so often seem to forget that without the people we love life has no meaning. To live you need a reason and we take for granted our reasons to live. It's sad but true. We forget because we are so wrapped up in our lives to notice. Maybe he and I do share some of the same thoughts. I never thought I could relate to a boy. Well, there's a first for everything right!?

"Tell the Spartans, stranger passing by, that here obedient to their laws we lie."

Can. You. Say. DEEP. This quote fascinated me mainly because of the thoughts it provoked in this little brain of mine! To me it seemed to say that even though the Spartans fell they were never forgotten. That is an epic way to be remembered!!! In all seriousness though, this quote made me think of all the things I believe in that were originally found long ago. It's crazy to think that many of the things we say and use in our society today are influenced by things or races in the past. It is also amazing that we are still telling stories that were originally spoken so long ago as well. As cheesy as this may sound I felt that after reading this the story of the battle of Thermopylae lives on in everyone aware of this book. It was a fitting end to a book such as this. I'm rather curious to know how Pressfield managed to end it all so smoothly after telling the story with a new light though. Maybe one day I'll come to understand how and why he ended his story in this way. The guess I'm making now is that he wanted us to finish this book and still be thinking of the Spartans. If there is one thing I can tell you for sure it's this, if that was his goal he has succeeded.

Dialectic Journal Book 7

"His priestess mother taught him, Suicide said, that nothing beneath the sun is real. The earth and everything upon it is but a forestander, the material embodiment of a finer and more profound reality which exists immediately behind it, invisible to mortal sense. Everything we call real is sustained by this subtler fundament which underlies it, indestructible, unglimpsed beyond the curtain." page: 377, 12/2/08

This quote immediately grabbed my attention because I have thought similar things to this teaching. I constantly wonder if any of this is real, my life, the people I love, the things I comprehend, what I see, hear, and feel. To me, all of this seems so unreal and I can't help but to be frightened of this possible reality. What if I wake up tomorrow and discover everything I've done has been an illusion and nothing more? Imagine the world you thought you knew was actually nonexistent. That everything that ever mattered was a lie and nothing more, a hopeless dream that can never be? Even if there is somewhere else to go beyond death how can we be sure that everyone we care about will make it there alright? What would keep us sane? Would sanity simply be nonexistent as well? Maybe Mr. Pressfield thinks of this alternate reality as well. It is difficult to go on living with this thought looming over your mind like a dark cloud ready to swallow you up. Maybe the realization that everything is make believe is hell. Pay back for the evil deeds one commits. Doomed to walk this nonexistent reality forever more. An empty world that you know is a lie. This world that never existed and never will exist as your home. While some find this belief comforting I find it terrifying. What could be so happy about believe you live in a lie. How can you know what is reality and what is not. It seems that everything we know is reversed. Reality is fiction. Fiction is reality. Life is death and death is life. Blindness is sight and sight is blindness. Darkness is light and Light is darkness. We are contradictions and nothing more in this teaching. Nothing but figments of the imagination that disappear over time. Lost and forgotten creations.

"'Am I dying?' he asked Dienekes in that sad detached tone so like a child's, the voice of one who seems to stand already at his own shoulder. 'You'll die when I say you can,' Dienekes answered." page: 390 12/2/08

This small conversation made me cry. Somewhere inside Dienekes knew Alexandros would die but he continued to tell himself he would be saved. Why is it that we as humans always try and control death? Why do we even try to convince ourselves that the people we care about will not die when we can see death is inevitable? I cannot say I am not this naive because I am. No one wants to give into the thought that death is closing in on someone they hold dear. To tell you the truth as soon as I read the passage where Alexandros dies my heart ached because I thought of someone I care for deeply dying. It was horrible but it struck me most in this particular section. I wondered throughout the book how Spartans could be immune to the pain death brings but now I see the truth. It is not that they do not feel it, they have just mastered masking their true feelings. They have learned to block all emotion about their comrades in death. Even they have their limits it seems. I could not do this, I know that all too well. Suppressing pain comes at an awful price in the end, a break down. This man, Dienekes, is curious to me. He is more complex then he lets on and we see that though Alexandros' death. As much as men try to be free of emotion it is an impossible feat. Sorrow cannot be willed away.

I'm So LuCkY, lUcKy :DDD

WEE!!!!!! ~sings~ I'm so lucky, lucky. I'm so lucky, lucky!!!!!!

... O.o

Well Charlotte told us that we needed to write a blog about what we're grateful so... :3

HERE I go!!!!!! :D

I'm grateful for my friends who put up with my insanity and crazy, random thoughts... O.o Seriously guys, DEMY HEARTS YOU!!!!!!! T~T Also for putting up with my stupidity on most topics brought up! XD You guys are the best friends a sitar playing, water loving girl could ask for!!!! ( you guys know what I mean ;) *wink*) (Oh, and Brendon...SASHA IS NOT A LIE!!!! D<) I'm so glad you are my friends and I'm thankful for all the laughs and silly moments we share. I'll never forget that and you guys make me so happy that the happiness I feel is impossible to describe accurately with words. You make everyday brighter in my life. Happy Thanksgiving guys!!!! :clingsandhuggles: You guys make my existance worth while.

I'm also grateful for Jen and KellyJane on youtube!!!!! :DD They're the best Kingdom Hearts cosplayers ever!!!!! ^///^ And they make me smile with their videos!!! Their Demyx & Axel wedding video is what got me through that research paper T~T IT GAVE ME THE STRENGTH TO GO ON!!!!!! It also made me so happy that I started crying! I hope one day they get married for real!!! :) They're so perfect for each other! ^///^ SEE?







:sniffles: THEY'RE SO AWESOME!!! ~ T~T They also have silly videos too XD Here's one...








MEGA LAUGHS XD oh and sorry if the "orgy meeting" part alarmed anyone! "Orgy"
to them means Organization and it's meant to stand for The Organization 13 Meeting!!! I suppose it came out wrong! Nasel Voice! Sorry XDD GOODNESS GRACIOUS, GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!!! >D

Next, I'm grateful for my school (I know...cheesy but I really am.) I'm glad I can be myself there and I don't have to hide who I am. I'm also happy that people don't treat you like a defect for being different from someone there. I'm happy to be me.

I am also grateful for the comic The Adventures of Saix Puppy by ToastedRabbit. Anyone that likes Kingdom Hearts will think it's hilarious!!! So go check it out!

I'm grateful for candy, sitars, my family, the Internet, that I'm alive, the understanding from the people who understand (o.o), crayons, pencils, paint, trees to hide in, my puppy Aitana, my birdie George, my big yellow umbrella, my innocent little brain (ha, ha), my heart (which I know I have despite what Xigbar says!), my cat ears, flowers, the person I love, writing, being able to hear music, the sitar song, the caramelldansen song, and ummm...

You know what? There are just too many things to be grateful for I could list for years. I feel my heart will explode from the strain of it all! It's hard to just list things because you know that there is always going to be more to be thankful for as soon as you stop xD! It's amazing to think that we take so much for granted in our everyday lives. Which leads to the next thing I am grateful for in my life. I had never really thought about it until Thanksgiving Day when my grandma brought out the photos after dinner. When I say photograph I mean the REALLY old ones. They were the ones that were taken when my sister, my uncle, my brother, and myself were all just babies and toddlers. :) It was nice to reminisce about the past and laugh. It made me really appreciate the fact that I have a family. They may drive me absolutely bonkers sometimes but at least they are there you know?

I'm thankful for my emotions!!!!! Good and bad because frankly, I've had emotional constipation and it's not fun. I know that sounds epically funny but when you feel nothing you cannot feel the good or the bad. That is a horrible situation, trust me, I know. Hearts exist for a reason and even though they cause us indescribable and overwhelming pain at times the happiness they supply is worth it all. Not only that but we have the ability to love and for me, that is the most amazing gift ever felt.

Well, I am going to stop writing now because I might just keep writing until tomorrow O.o and that I am guessing would be exceedingly boring for you! So Bye Bye! *waves*

ZOMJ!!! SEA SALT ICE CREAM!!!!! :D

Melee's "How to Make Sea Salt Ice Cream" - Click here for the funniest movie of the week

Looking for Angels

It speaks to those who have the will to listen...LISTEN

Why Did I Fall In Love With You?

I Love this song so much! :) P.S. YorleniProduction on youtube made this!

Journals Again...

Yaysness!!!! :D I am posting this on Lauren's computer because my internet is still down >_O It burns me!!!!!!! :Sizzles:



Chapter 7

“So all-pervasive was this dread that it had even been given a name. Phobos. The Fear.” ~10/30/08
~Page: 51

So I suppose the word “phobia” came from the word phobos. That’s really quite fascinating! I never knew that! (I’m a life long learner!) This passage caught my attention because as soon as my eyes passed over it I instantly thought of all the things I fear in this world. For me, fear runs extremely deep. I am not scared of monsters or of my own demise but of being forgotten by those I hold dear, for them not to be able to hear me. I first discovered this hidden fear when I had a nightmare one night. I was running up the school stairs because my friends were ahead of me. I was yelling for them to wait up but they did not stop or even turn to look at me. I wasn’t upset because I thought they probably couldn't’t hear me. When I finally reached them and was walking with them shoulder to shoulder. I said hi but again I got no response. That’s when I started to panic. I waved my hand in front of her face but she took no notice of it. Yelling at the top of my lungs I shouted her name but it was to no avail. They had gotten to the top of the steps as I lingered behind, dumbfounded. Why weren't they hearing me? Seeing me? I bolted into the school and found them walking through the hallway. I leaped in front of them and held out my arms. “Why are you guys ignoring me?” I asked, wanting answers but only getting silence. That’s when they walked through me. As if I were nothing more than a puff of smoke my “body” blurred as they passed, disappearing and reappearing in a flash. When we neared the classroom’s I ran to see Mele at her desk on the computer, making a new seating chart. My name wasn’t there. I zoomed to Charlotte’s room and found her checking attendance, again I was missing. My blood ran cold within my veins as I realized I was nonexistent here. The tears poured down my cheeks, as I stood there shaking and confused and unable to be seen. “You were nothing to them.” A voice I did not recognize chimed in. Turning I saw a boy who looked about my age. “They forgot you like I told you they would.” He concluded, completing my hopelessness. “I don’t believe you.” I mumbled feebly. “I’ll prove it.” He stated simply walking towards the door and exiting. I followed, not knowing what else to do. I watched him approach her and knew what he’d say even before it fell from his lips, “Have you seen Hadassah?” She stared blankly at him and blinked. “Who’s that?” she asked simply. My heart shattered with my entire world as he walked from person to person asking about me. Not one person remembered me, not one. “I told you forming bonds would just make it harder to say goodbye.” I watched them laugh as my hearts blew away as red dust. My eyes snapped open and I lied in my bed as the tears fell around me. I will never forget how horrible nightmare. I suppose that would be my phobos. My fear.


Chapter 8

“He was, however, not constitutionally suited to the role of warrior. In a gentler world Alexandros might have been a poet or musician. He was easily the most accomplished flute player of his age-class, though he barely touched the instrument to practice. His gifts as a singer were even more exceptional, both as a boy alto and later as a man when his voice stabilized into a pure tenor…He walked once down the line, meeting each boy’s eye. Before Alexandros, he halted. ‘Your nose was too pretty, son of Olympieous. It was a girl’s nose.’ He tossed the boy’s tripod into the dirt at his feet. ‘I like it better now.’”
~10/30/08
~Page: 75/86

I got such a clear picture of Alexandros in this chapter! Poor boy, Polynikes is a real piece of work to me! Alexandros must have difficulty fitting in the “warrior boy” group with how pretty and gentle he is, even more so than what was described. This passage really helped me see just how horrible Spartan training really was. They make these children into hardened warriors so quickly that some of them are dropping dead! How can these boys’ commanders be so nonchalant about their students dying on them? It seems inhuman not to shed a single tear when a comrade dies. How can these men just turn the other cheek without a hint of remorse? Maybe I’m just too sensitive. After all, I do cry about things too much for it to be normal. Although, the fact that they consider these boys weak if they die during this crazy training really makes me angry. I also find it a real shame that after this rigorous training Alexandros will most likely lose that gentle and artistic nature of his. On another note, when Polynikes said that Alexandros had a girl’s nose I instantly thought of all the times I had been mistaken for a boy. It’s weird what kind of thoughts can be triggered from things like that! It also makes me wonder, do I really look like a boy? After being called one by various people I’m starting to believe it!


Chapter 9

“The air was touchy and ripe for explosiveness.”
~10/30/08
~Page: 92
I can most defiantly relate! I have a lot of moments that feel like the faintest sound may cause everyone in the room to riot. It is especially awkward when you are sitting vis-à-vis to the people and you are afraid to breathe. Also fragile moments like the death of a loved one or a dilemma in another’s life are hard to talk about without the air “exploding” too. In situations like this the air is thick with emotion and anticipation so it is difficult not to make the situation worse. This passage made me think of how much I wish I could fix these kinds of situations. A pointless dream I realize but at the same time if I try hard enough maybe I can help the people around me at least! I wonder if the author had the intention of having you connect at this point. I guess the only one who could really answer that would be the author himself! Another reason I picked this passage was because when I read it it made me think of a manga character named Deidara who uses artistic explosives to fight! I know I am a nerd but bare with me because we are all nerds about one thing or another! I wonder if any other moments like this will reoccur? My best guess would be a yes. After all, it is Sparta!

POETIC MADNESS O_<

The Bird Song Of My Life.

I once saw
A beautiful sunset
Unlike anything seen



A bird flew
Into the distance
Far from view



Telling me I
Can change my
Life if wanted



Flying higher and
Higher I can
Change my life.



Fly with the
Cool breeze the
Bird beside me




Nothing to stop
Our flight nothing
In this life



Flying higher and
Higher I can
Change my life.

In a poet's mood...and cannot sleep X)

Forgotten Flowers Of Springs Passed.

Leaves break from
The wise trees
In hopes anew

New flowers will
Bloom this spring
The old ones

Forgotten with time
Have fallen long
Ago to winter

Will I eventually
Be forgotten by
The ones I

Love the most
As the flowers
Of passed springs
Are forgotten too

Am I really
Important to you
Am I precious

To you my
Love do you
Love me too

Or will I
Too be forgotten
Like flowers passed

Journals

Chapter 4: 10/27/08

"When the hymn was over the men raped her...A soldier snatched me by the scalp, one hairy forearm around my neck to snap it. Bruxieus found a spear at his throat and the point of a sword pricking the flesh of his back. No one said a word. There were six of them, armorless, in sweat dark corselets with their rank dirty beards and the rain-sodden hair on their chests and calves coarse and matted and filthy. They had been watching Diomache,her smooth girl's legs and the start of breasts beneath her tunic. 'Don't hurt them,' Diomache said simply, meaning Bruxieous and me. Two men took her away behind the garden wall. They finished , then two more followed, and the last pair after that. When it was over, the sword was lowered from Bruxieus' back, and he crossed to carry Diomache away in his arms. She wouldn't let him. She stood to her feet on her own, though she had to brace herself against the wall to do it, both her thighs dark with blood." Page: 31

...I wrote this down on paper...it is WAY too personal to post online... Gomenasai... :( I'll be willing to show it to you Charlotte if you want to see it...

Chapter 5: 10/27/08

"I looked up one dusk and there stood my cousin, observing me coldly. 'You will be like them,' she said, 'when you grow.' She meant the soldiers who had shamed her. 'I will not!' 'You will be a man. You won't be able to help yourself.' ... 'This shows what a fool I have become. No one will marry me.' 'I will,' I proffered at once. She laughed. 'You? A fair chance of that!' Foolish as it sounds to recount, to my boy's heart these careless words stung like no others in my life. I vowed that I would marry Diomache one day. I would be man enough and warrior enough to protect her." Page: 34

I could instantly relate to both of them when I read through this passage. Diomache has had something inconceivably horrible happen to her so it has made her look at the world in a crueler and darker way (I don't blame her!) and now all the little one wants to do is prove he can protect her. One day I too wish I can protect those I care about. Reading how determined he was to prove to her that he could become strong enough to protect her made me think about my own will to protect her. The one I love I mean...I really don't know what I would have done if something like that happened to any one of my friends. It makes me want to train harder, get stronger, so I can protect them all. "He" says it is impossible but I am confident that I can. My madness is my weapon! >:3 I wonder if it will actually happen though, his dream I mean. I hope so! :) Maybe the author was trying to get this reaction! :o

Chapter 6: 10/27/08

"I picked a tree and settled my back against it so that its spirit, which touched both earth and sky, would conduct mine safely out of this world. Yes, this was the tree. I could feel Sleep, brother of Death, advancing up from the toes. Feeling ebbed from my loins and midsection. When the numbness reaches the heart, I imagined, I will pass over." Page: 47

Makes me want to try that. I've sat under trees before and listened to them breathe. They have always been important to me. I've always thought of them as the guardians and protectors of the forests and all who reside in them. Most people have forgotten the language of the trees but I haven't and I hope I never do. It struck me that he still can. I wonder if I'll be able to do that when I'm dying. Shut my eyes and let the cold take me away from the world. Would I be able to let go I wonder? I wonder if the author wants this death? I love how this scene if written. Most don't see the magic in the things around them so reading this made me so ecstatic! Trees can definitely guide the living to the afterlife. I have no doubts about that. They are wise and had seen more than we could ever. Sometimes I wish people could hear the screaming when they cut them down. They are hear to teach us but sadly most refuse to listen.

Election of 2008

Okay, I have not been following the election much so I'll do my best!

The last presidential debate was actually the first one I saw and from my perspective, McCain was acting like a child. The looks he gave Obama as he spoke were absolutely ridiculous. Also when Obama said that 100% of McCain's campaigns were negative he tried to say they weren't. I've seen his campaigns on the television and even I could see that was a lie. It seems that McCain is more concentrated on ways he can make Obama look bad than what he is going to do about the issues our nation has. Hence this...




Also McCain seems to say whatever is convenient at the time...




Clearly he is not fond of owning up to what he said if it is not what the people he is with want to hear. Very interesting don't you agree?

After seeing the debate and watching these videos I really dislike McCain. It seems that he cannot own up to what he says if it means risking his popularity.

There is also a rumor I'd like to address about McCain and Palin calling Obama a terrorist. It is causing people to think that Obama is actually one. Due to these comments many people are more like a "McCain mob" then anything else.



See? I also want to bring up something Palin said, "I'm sure that some will say, 'Jeez, they're getting kinda negative' no it's not negativity it's truthfulness." Is it really??? Judging from all the things McCain has said about Obama that have been PROVEN false does she have any right to bold face lie? No.

I have lost all respect for McCain as of now. How can we trust someone like him as our next president when he cannot even tell the truth? How can we trust a president who behaves like a child. How can we trust a man who preys on the ignorance of the people to get the votes? How can we trust McCain? The answer: we CANNOT.

Visit therealmccain.com
to find out more.

Also visit http://www.nick.com/shows/specials/kpp_07/
to cast your vote for president! :)

Hot N Cold!!! :D

This is awesome beyond compare! Made by SapphireStar26

:3 Good Night and Go :3

I love this video and it makes me smile :) ChappiRukia makes the best videos ever ^///^

I'm Scared...

I'm scared of what I hear and I'm scared of what I see
I never thought I'd be this way
All the thoughts colliding at once.
All the emotions crashing together like the waves crash to shore.
All my worries all my cares
Will never leave me no matter how much I try and will them away
Why am I so incapable of feeling?
Why am I afraid to expose my heart?
I envy humans but I hate them also.
I hold on to naive hopes when I know it won't come true.
I can't make everyone happy
I can't absorbed all the worlds problems.
If I stay in the darkness forever will I stop all the agony?
Can I take it all away and take the world's pain to the grave?
Take it all inside and claw out my own throat?
Fall on the blade.
End the sorrow and the pain I see the people I care about in?
What do I do to make you happy?
What do you want me to do?
I'll do anything...
Am I a good girl?
Am I a good girl?
Am I a good girl?
Am I a good girl?
Say I'm a good girl...
Why do you say what you don't mean?
Do you know me for real?
Can you say you know me?
If I disappeared tomorrow and you never saw me again could you really say you'd care.
I'm just a girl in a world of many.
I'm no different than any other.
I fade.
I rip.
I tear.
Nothing but an old photo.
A worthless scrap.
I'm sorry.
I'm so selfish.
Selfish.
Selfish.
Selfish.
I cling to others like a vine.
Needing to be supported by the trees.
Needing to be paid attention to like a child.
I'm scared .
Scared.
Scared.
Scared.
Scared.
Scared.
Scared.
Like a child left alone in the dark.

英雄サンを参加させなさい!

ENTER HERO~SAN!!!! This is Estanfania and she is my hero and friend. The reason she is my hero is because of her kindness and perseverance. You see, she gives me hope because she went through what I did and came out on top! She was bullied for being herself but never gave up and somehow managed to pull herself out of her misery and smile. She learned that being herself was not a bad thing and that the world is not as dark as it seems. She gives me the courage to try and live my life with a smile and be myself no matter what people think!

Picture: 私は永久に愛する (I Love You Forever)

Alright here I go!!!! The reason I LOVE this photo is because when I first saw it I smiled. I really don't know why but it made me so happy because I think these two are so cute together. (except and rejoice!!!) Maybe I like this so much because I love to see people happy and this picture makes my heart get all warm because you can just see how happy they are from their faces. :) I believe that you fall in love with who you fall in love with despite their gender and if you're happy together nothing else matters. :) It gives me hope you could say. Hope that maybe one day people will see love as love regardless of who's involved. :)

Says a lot doesn't it??? To me this particular picture says that despite what people might find acceptable these two are not afraid to be in love. :) It shows just how much they care about one another and how happy they are together. It shows a rare softer side to the two as characters and shows feelings that the two hardly ever express. MORNING MAGIC! :D It just feels like a precious moment between them and says that just maybe, their love will last forever.

Final Fantasy VII Advent Children - Valentine's Day

*Cries eyes out* Anyway I love this video and the song and I just wanted to share this because I love it. Please enjoy :) P.S. san5772 on youtube made this so props to them!

Preview, Predict, Code :) Yay~! <3

1. How accurate were your predictions?

Actually they were very accurate! I was surprised that I actually did guess as much as I did but then again maybe it was just an obvious prediction I don't really know. (ha ha *nervous chuckling*) BEHOLD TOBI, CAPTAIN OBVIOUS XD!!!

2. Which predictions were very accurate? Describe.

All of them were accurate but the most accurate one would have to be "how do you think the story will start" because I actually guessed that the book would start with a quote about bees and on the first page, low and behold, an epigraph but it was close enough to a quote XD!!! HURRAY!!! :D Also I thought that I would enjoy the book in the beginning and that ended up being right to. <3 class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">loveles this book.

3. Which predictions were less accurate? What were the differences between what you predicted and what actually happened?

Well my prediction about what the book was going to be about was too general and I only focused on the fact that it might take place in a historic period. XP I was surprised about how good the book was considering it was focused so much on bees :P. Gosh I rambled way too much about it being realistic fiction DX. Also I was wrong about everything pertaining to a historical event. While the book did mention some historic events it was not solely focused on them at all.

Well that's it!!!! 8D Sayonara~

Good Enough by Evanescence

So artistic...

My Immortal and Lithium by Evanescence

She sings so beautifully...I love what she says.

October by Evanescence

I found this song fitting since it's now October... P.S. I did not make this Kaorusmine on youtube did :)

Fields of Innocence by Evanescence

This song speaks to me...

Literary Device Of The Week: Alliteration, Assonance, and Consonance...This weekend I had a weird (understatment) dream... O_o'

A devastating dream was dreamt on the dreary night of my Saturday as I slept with the soft sound of rain hitting the roof. Darkness all around me dragging me into the depths of my own despair. Hands that reached out from the paintings on the hollow white walls held me tight with no hope of ever loosening their hold. Screaming and scratching I struggled to save myself from the situation I was in. Escaping from this eternal agony seemed entirely pointless. It felt as though I had already had been defeated by the endless dark. Just as I was about to surrender and let the hands pull me asunder their grasp suddenly disintegrated into the walls as they returned to the paintings in which they came. Gasping and groping for something to keep me steady I was surprised to see a slender hand reach down toward me. I was suddenly suspicious of this hand but too weak to refuse it's wonderful gift. Clutching it I tried to keep my balance but as I rose my legs failed me and buckled letting me fall forward. I now felt a body attached to the hand that held me steady and whispered words in my ear that I could not decipher in my desperate state. Tears rolled down my face as my faith failed me and fear found it's way into the farthest corners of my heart and mind. Please don't hurt me... I thought pleadingly feeling as powerless as a wounded bird unable to fly. Please don't hurt me...

Timid and terrified as a rabbit surrounded by salivating wolves I wobbled forward trying to wander away from my savior. "Why are you afraid?" an unfamiliar voice question me from beyond. In every way the voice sounded benevolent but to my weary mind the sound of a pin dropping could be a cause of caution. "Do you not wish to save her?" another more masculine voice chimed in. Save who? I thought thoroughly puzzled as my exhausted eyes scanned the empty walls around me. As though the two had read my mind they both spoke simultaneously, "The one you hold dear." The room shattered in on itself and it fell away like glass hit by a stone leaving me to ponder the predicament I was in. Who am I supposed to save? The wind blew violently as the thought surfaced in the ocean that was my mind whipping my hair in a frenzy around my face. I looked to the sky to see the slick outline of a colossal raven over my head; it's dark feathers barely visible in the darkness that enveloped him. Landing on the imaginary ground below our feet his head dipped down in front of me and he spoke unimaginably low as he said, "Come..." "I will take you there..." I stared at this creature unable to react. How can I trust him? then, without warning, he let out a screech as he threw himself in the air and with his talons lifted me by the shoulders into the air.

I did not scream; I didn't find any need to as we soared over the silent scenery that existed only within my mind. He was taking me to the person "I hold dear" but which one? There are many who are precious to me...It seemed like we had been flying for months when we finally descended on the sickeningly silent ground of a round room completely shrouded in white with many doors. As he released me from his grasp I spun around taking in every detail. "I can only bring you here" the raven I had considered a friend spoke up, "However, the door which you choose to enter is up to you..." With that he began to disappear into a flurry of feathers so black that they seemed purple against the white of the room. "Wait!" I yelled frantically. "How will I know which one?" "Choose with your heart..." came a resounding echo of the raven that once was. "Not with your eyes..." When the echo ceased to exist the feathers fell to the floor creating a dark circle all around me. I could not cry for my nonexistent friend as I gently scooped up one of the many feathers around me and lightly traced it's outline with the tip of my index finger. Choose with my heart, not my eyes...Squeezing my eyes shut I spun around inside the dark circle and repeated the raven's words repeatedly within my mind. Choose with your heart, not with your eyes. Chose with your heart, not with your eyes...THAT ONE! I thought, eyes snapping open as I ran for the door I was now facing. Roughly turning it's black knob I swung it open and ran inside only to be greeted by emptiness as my foot lunged into the nothingness of the dark; I was falling.

A slight scream escaped my lips as I plummeted into the unknown below. Stay calm and believe...you did what he told you. My body soon slammed against a cold hard marble floor with bone jarring impacted that sent the air rushing from my lungs in an oooofff. I was so sure I was gone; there was just no way I could survive such a fall was there? I stood up and marveled at the fact that I hadn't broken anything or killed myself. Perhaps listening to an abnormally large raven that can talk was a bad idea...I began to analyze my surroundings once again when my eyes caught sight of the only light I could see; it looked like the light of a firefly. Flying toward me it circled around me, wrapping it's thin golden wire around my body and flew into the distance once more. "Follow me..." Came a whisper quieter than that of a small breeze. "Follow me..." Running after it as fast as I could it led me through twists and turns until it flew high above my head and enveloped the outline of a large round bird cage high in the air. "Here..." it began to whisper once more. "Here..." it flew down in a spiral to reveal a rope leading to the cage. Pausing it waited for me to take hold of the rope and when I had it secure in my hands I began to haul myself up higher and higher. I'm coming for you whoever you are...I'm coming to save you.

When my hands could no longer feel anymore rope to climb the firefly zoomed forward revealing the figure of a person inside the cage off to the side curled into a ball. "Hello!" I called to the unknown person. "I'm going to get you out!" The figure shifted and sat up revealing a masked face. Startled I almost lost grip of the rope that keep me suspended in the sky. Crawling closer the figure seemed to study through painted eyes as I felt a key being placed in my hand. Looking down in the midst of the blackness I saw a hand reaching out from the bars of the cage; the persons hand. With more help form the firefly I unlocked the cage and held out one arm as the cage door stood ajar. "I'm here to save you." I said instantly feeling foolish and self conscience. After all I was no prince charming. Hesitantly the person that I now saw was a girl took my hand and hung on tight as we made our descent into the darkness once more. That is when the rope snapped and we fell in what seemed like slow motion; the firefly illuminating the face of the precious person whose mask had now been lost. My eyes widen and my heart seemed to stop as she stared at me through calm and emotionless eyes. I studied her face once more. You...I thought, feeling as though I was coming to a new realization. You are the one I have longed to protect all along. I touched her cheek wishing with all my heart that we could remain together like this forever. It was not to be; we hit the ground and it turned to water, immersing us both in it's clear splendor. Deeper and deeper we sank into the frigid water as I looked at her once more. "The protector and the protected will die together, destinies meant to be intertwined." My gaze shot up to see the dark outline of a shadow looking down to us. "That is how it must be." I did not have time to respond for that is when I woke in a cold sweat; safe in my bed once more. Jashin I have problems...I thought as I turned over to my side and looked at the clock. 5:03 A.M.

Yep...this weekend I had the craziest and best dream of my life...EXCEPT IT AND REJOICE!!! :D

Wishing I was a Puppy...

Do you know why puppies are so lucky? They can cuddle someone they care about when they're upset and not look like a complete creeper... :( That's one of the main reasons I wish I was one. If I was a puppy would I be able to comfort the ones I love better? Sometimes when my friends are upset I don't know what to say. Sometimes I just want to hug them or snuggle them to make them feel better but am too afraid to because I don't know if I'll just make it worse. :(

What can I say? I have never been good at talking to people when they're upset. I suppose that not everyone wants to be hugged when they're upset. When I was little sometimes I just wanted to be hugged and even now I still feel this way. I wouldn't consider myself a "touchy feely" person but hugs just make me feel wanted. I'm like a puppy in the sense that I can't stand to be alone. I get sad and start thinking about the sadness.

I've been told by many to stop acting like a puppy but I can never seem to...something deep inside makes me act this way and I feel that I will lose a part of myself if I do. Behaving like this is a way for me to express how much I care and sometimes I even end up licking people's cheeks or cuddling up to them. I don't mean to be clingy or weird I just find this to be an easier way of expressing my love or concern.

I know...I'm a silly girl but it's better than not being able to show how I feel or be able to reach out at all. So far I have not licked anyone and I've been trying to behave more like a normal human being but I really don't know how much longer I'll be able to. After all, seeing one of my friends upset triggers this feeling to well up inside of me and make me feel I need to comfort them.

I worry about my friends when they get upset and I want them to smile. :) Sometimes actions really do speak louder than words.

Literary Devices of the Week!!!!! Similes, Metaphors, and Cliches!

A look that could stop you dead in your tracks is it not? I look as cthonic as a demon don't I? It is the polar opposite of me for in this picture I look as though I'm going to bite someone's head off! My hair looks as dark as night and my eyes as piercing as a sewing needle. Yup, a look you should pray is never directed at you. If it ever is I have a few words of advice...RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!! O.O You'll thank me one day...

ADVENTURE!!!!! Little me is on a quest to find a new world just beyond her living room couch!!!! Not even bedtime would stop me! Equipped with my plastic "John Smith" helmet and sword and over sized hoodie I set out to the far corners of the living room! I was as determined as a race horse just about to cross a finish line to get to my unknown destination. That's when I bumped into this strange device I am now staring at! My curious eyes sweep over the device and my sword, clutched tightly in my chubby little hand, is the friend that will ward off the attacker! *Click* NO! She got me and I am now doomed to remain in this position as a picture forever more! After her tiresome adventure the lone adventurous wolf is now hungry. Next mission, COOKIE STEALING!!!! NINJASTYLE!!! >:D

I Loveles Bunnies <3

Well...I really don't have a point for writing this sooooo I'll just write :)

I thought about writing this because when I was REALLY little I had an imaginary friend That was a bunny. Except he had wings on his head...what can I say? I was an inventive child!

He kept me company a lot and when I started kindergarten I remember being bullied by people who thought I was talking to myself. They were a bit older than me and used to swat the air to try and hit him.

This used to unset me greatly because ever since I could remember he had been there. They only laughed more when I tried to stand up for him and in the end all I could do was try to ignore them.

I wasn't a very social child either so for most of Kindergarten it was only us. I would sit down on the table to the far left of the playground and laugh as he flew around and chased the birds. I wasn't lonely. I had him and thought I always would. I was happy.

I had no desire in making other friends but he was the one who encouraged me to interact with people and eventually I made some connections. The more I began to talk to people the less and less he would come around until finally I stopped seeing him altogether.

I cried when he left me and wished for him to return but he didn't. I comforted myself with the thought that he was with another child that needed him now more than I did and that helped me stay happy. Sometimes I wish I he would visit but what can I say? There are lots of lonely and scared kids out there and I'm proud that he's helping them like he helped me. I'll never forget him. My first best friend and one day I know he'll stop by. I just have to be patient. I KNOW he won't forget me, like I haven't forgotten him. :) I believe in him!

ThE LiTeRaRy DeViCe Of ThE wEeK...ePiC!!!!!

Here I go!!!!!!!!

1.) To me, an epic is a poem that tells a story about "hero" in the writer's eyes and tells us their story in an exciting manner. I also enjoy them! <3

2.) Focuses on a hero: "Begin with the clash between Agamemnon-The Greek warlord-and godlike Achilles" (Lines 7-8, Iliad, Homer)

The deeds of the hero are presented without favoritism, revealing his failings as well as his virtues: "Achilles chest was a rough knot of pain/Twisting around his heart: should he/Draw the sharp sword that hung by his thigh,/Scatter the ranks and gut Agamemnon,/Or control his temper, repress his rage?/He was mulling it over, inching the great sword/ From its sheath..." (Lines 198-203 Iliad, Homer)

The main character or protagonist is heroically larger than life, often the source and subject of legend or a national hero: "And Achilles, strong, swift, and godlike..." (Line 129, Iliad, Homer)

3.)

This was a series of pictures from the graphic novel Bleach by Tite Kubo and now I shall explain what is going on. You see this was a fight in the manga between Kaien (The man with the spiky black hair) and the hollow (bad spirit that eats souls) that possessed his wife and killed her. However in the middle of the fight the hollow possesses Kaien and tries to kill Rukia (girl) but Ukitake prevents it and tells her to run. At first she hesitates, not wanting to leave Kaien's side but one more shout from Ukitake and she automatic runs, crying and apologizing to her precious mentor and friend, Kaien.

As Ukitake is fighting the hollow he realizes that since Kaien and the hollow are both spirit beings they can not be separated so he attempts to kill "Kaien" before the hollow eats it's way out of him however at the moment Ukitake was about to administer the killing blow his sickness gets in the way and he is unable to control his coughing. The hollow seizes his chance and tries to escape into the woods and Ukitake wills himself to chase it only for him to see Rukia in the path of the hollow. She had come back despite his orders to help her friend. Ukitake goes as fast as he can towards Rukia to save her but he realizes in despair he'll never make it. "Kill it!" he yells as Rukia stands there, sword unsheathed but unable to move. At the last possible moment she stabs her blade into her beloved friend as his blood splatters on her cheek.

Still shocked at her own actions it begins to rain and Kaien, in his dying breath, thanks her as well as his captain for allowing him to fight with honor until the very end. Moments before he dies he holds Rukia tightly and apologizes for what he put her through. His hand drops from her and he dies. She squeezes her eyes shut and pulling him close to her she cries loudly, feeling as though she deserves no thanks for her cowardice to save her own skin.

The reason I chose this was because to me it explains an epic scene in which Rukia, the main character, feels extreme emotions. This scene, I believe, shows her strengths as well as her flaws because while she saved her friend and set him free she believes that she is a coward for doing so. She doubts her actions and sees herself as a coward rather than the hero she really is.

Another reason I chose this was because of the battles depicted and the dramatic look of it. As Rukia holds her unsheathed sword we wonder if she will go through with killing it or if she'll let the hollow go because it has her mentor's face.

There is an epic battle going on both physically and in the heart and mind of our main character and these are the reasons behind my picking these pictures.

Every1 Likes Puppies...(well most anyway)

Me again...but I thought of something...I have a strange wish to be a puppy now...everyone I know loves them and they're always getting hugged and petted and I envy them. :( Sad and strange I know, but have you ever just wanted to be hugged or told you're loved but been to afraid to say anything? Yeah...I know I have a lot...I guess everyone somewhere deep down just wants to be loved, we ALL want love in some way, shape, or form. This is a fact no one can deny...

A Blur In My Memories...

I feel that writing about this might make me feel better so I'll go ahead and get it out...a few days ago I remembered something that I should never have forgotten. I remembered someone I had not thought about in 9 years and for some reason when their name came to mind pain resounded within the depths of my heart.

I cannot say I remember much, I mean I can't even see their face clearly...it's merely a blur that never seems to fully vanish. It's so strange when you remember something as simple as a name and all of these thoughts and memories just seem to flood back. To tell you the truth I'm kind of afraid to remember more...I have a feeling that something bad happened to them but I don't know what and it kills me.

I sound pretty insane don't I? I mean people just don't forget people like that do they? Did I invent him...? Maybe I really am crazy...? I guess I'll never know...but if I did just make him up why would I have memories of him putting me in my brother's crib to tease me...? Or why do I remember a photograph of this person playing pin pong with my mother...? It's all just so complicated. Why did he leave? Why didn't he come back to see me like I remember him saying he would...? "I'll come back to play with you later...I promise I'll come back."

If that was true why are you still gone? When will you come back and play with me?

Please don't judge...

A Strange Kind of Smpathy

He fell in love with you

But he fell alone

Fell into the pain

I don't know

If he fell in love

And fell in love alone

Does that mean

I will too?

If I fell in love with you

Would I soon know

The pain he knew

The same pain I don't know?

How confusing words can be

When written by one

such as me

Lonely, confused, Falling

Little me

Sad, Pathetic, Unworthy

Me

Unworthy of you

Unworthy of your care

Unworthy of your time

A waste of your air

I know I'm not worth it

I know I'm not fair

I know I'm not brave enough to dare

Too say those three words

Those three words that can mean so such

And nothing at all

Those words that hold the meaning

Of a heart I cannot have

Your heart

The one I cannot possess

The one thing I want most

The one thing so close

Yet so far from my reach

Maybe your happiness

Doesn't lie with me

And if that's the case

Can I still keep you near?

And if you're ever sad or lonely

Or need a friend

I'll always be there

To chase away the fears

To wipe away the tears

To keep you safe

And give you love with no price

You are my flower

My princess

My friend

And no matter what you say or do

Just remember

I'll always be there for you.

~END~

Please don't judge...