A Blur In My Memories...

I feel that writing about this might make me feel better so I'll go ahead and get it out...a few days ago I remembered something that I should never have forgotten. I remembered someone I had not thought about in 9 years and for some reason when their name came to mind pain resounded within the depths of my heart.

I cannot say I remember much, I mean I can't even see their face clearly...it's merely a blur that never seems to fully vanish. It's so strange when you remember something as simple as a name and all of these thoughts and memories just seem to flood back. To tell you the truth I'm kind of afraid to remember more...I have a feeling that something bad happened to them but I don't know what and it kills me.

I sound pretty insane don't I? I mean people just don't forget people like that do they? Did I invent him...? Maybe I really am crazy...? I guess I'll never know...but if I did just make him up why would I have memories of him putting me in my brother's crib to tease me...? Or why do I remember a photograph of this person playing pin pong with my mother...? It's all just so complicated. Why did he leave? Why didn't he come back to see me like I remember him saying he would...? "I'll come back to play with you later...I promise I'll come back."

If that was true why are you still gone? When will you come back and play with me?

Please don't judge...