Journals Again...

Yaysness!!!! :D I am posting this on Lauren's computer because my internet is still down >_O It burns me!!!!!!! :Sizzles:



Chapter 7

“So all-pervasive was this dread that it had even been given a name. Phobos. The Fear.” ~10/30/08
~Page: 51

So I suppose the word “phobia” came from the word phobos. That’s really quite fascinating! I never knew that! (I’m a life long learner!) This passage caught my attention because as soon as my eyes passed over it I instantly thought of all the things I fear in this world. For me, fear runs extremely deep. I am not scared of monsters or of my own demise but of being forgotten by those I hold dear, for them not to be able to hear me. I first discovered this hidden fear when I had a nightmare one night. I was running up the school stairs because my friends were ahead of me. I was yelling for them to wait up but they did not stop or even turn to look at me. I wasn’t upset because I thought they probably couldn't’t hear me. When I finally reached them and was walking with them shoulder to shoulder. I said hi but again I got no response. That’s when I started to panic. I waved my hand in front of her face but she took no notice of it. Yelling at the top of my lungs I shouted her name but it was to no avail. They had gotten to the top of the steps as I lingered behind, dumbfounded. Why weren't they hearing me? Seeing me? I bolted into the school and found them walking through the hallway. I leaped in front of them and held out my arms. “Why are you guys ignoring me?” I asked, wanting answers but only getting silence. That’s when they walked through me. As if I were nothing more than a puff of smoke my “body” blurred as they passed, disappearing and reappearing in a flash. When we neared the classroom’s I ran to see Mele at her desk on the computer, making a new seating chart. My name wasn’t there. I zoomed to Charlotte’s room and found her checking attendance, again I was missing. My blood ran cold within my veins as I realized I was nonexistent here. The tears poured down my cheeks, as I stood there shaking and confused and unable to be seen. “You were nothing to them.” A voice I did not recognize chimed in. Turning I saw a boy who looked about my age. “They forgot you like I told you they would.” He concluded, completing my hopelessness. “I don’t believe you.” I mumbled feebly. “I’ll prove it.” He stated simply walking towards the door and exiting. I followed, not knowing what else to do. I watched him approach her and knew what he’d say even before it fell from his lips, “Have you seen Hadassah?” She stared blankly at him and blinked. “Who’s that?” she asked simply. My heart shattered with my entire world as he walked from person to person asking about me. Not one person remembered me, not one. “I told you forming bonds would just make it harder to say goodbye.” I watched them laugh as my hearts blew away as red dust. My eyes snapped open and I lied in my bed as the tears fell around me. I will never forget how horrible nightmare. I suppose that would be my phobos. My fear.


Chapter 8

“He was, however, not constitutionally suited to the role of warrior. In a gentler world Alexandros might have been a poet or musician. He was easily the most accomplished flute player of his age-class, though he barely touched the instrument to practice. His gifts as a singer were even more exceptional, both as a boy alto and later as a man when his voice stabilized into a pure tenor…He walked once down the line, meeting each boy’s eye. Before Alexandros, he halted. ‘Your nose was too pretty, son of Olympieous. It was a girl’s nose.’ He tossed the boy’s tripod into the dirt at his feet. ‘I like it better now.’”
~10/30/08
~Page: 75/86

I got such a clear picture of Alexandros in this chapter! Poor boy, Polynikes is a real piece of work to me! Alexandros must have difficulty fitting in the “warrior boy” group with how pretty and gentle he is, even more so than what was described. This passage really helped me see just how horrible Spartan training really was. They make these children into hardened warriors so quickly that some of them are dropping dead! How can these boys’ commanders be so nonchalant about their students dying on them? It seems inhuman not to shed a single tear when a comrade dies. How can these men just turn the other cheek without a hint of remorse? Maybe I’m just too sensitive. After all, I do cry about things too much for it to be normal. Although, the fact that they consider these boys weak if they die during this crazy training really makes me angry. I also find it a real shame that after this rigorous training Alexandros will most likely lose that gentle and artistic nature of his. On another note, when Polynikes said that Alexandros had a girl’s nose I instantly thought of all the times I had been mistaken for a boy. It’s weird what kind of thoughts can be triggered from things like that! It also makes me wonder, do I really look like a boy? After being called one by various people I’m starting to believe it!


Chapter 9

“The air was touchy and ripe for explosiveness.”
~10/30/08
~Page: 92
I can most defiantly relate! I have a lot of moments that feel like the faintest sound may cause everyone in the room to riot. It is especially awkward when you are sitting vis-à-vis to the people and you are afraid to breathe. Also fragile moments like the death of a loved one or a dilemma in another’s life are hard to talk about without the air “exploding” too. In situations like this the air is thick with emotion and anticipation so it is difficult not to make the situation worse. This passage made me think of how much I wish I could fix these kinds of situations. A pointless dream I realize but at the same time if I try hard enough maybe I can help the people around me at least! I wonder if the author had the intention of having you connect at this point. I guess the only one who could really answer that would be the author himself! Another reason I picked this passage was because when I read it it made me think of a manga character named Deidara who uses artistic explosives to fight! I know I am a nerd but bare with me because we are all nerds about one thing or another! I wonder if any other moments like this will reoccur? My best guess would be a yes. After all, it is Sparta!